Once I read a quote:
“I really want flowers. But I don’t want to tell my boyfriend to buy me flowers because then he only buys them because I told him.
-But I would really like to have flowers.”
Who is not familiar with that? We all have wishes secretly inside, which we do not tell our partner, because we hope that he will come up with the idea to fulfill our deepest wishes, by himself. The giant teddy bear, breakfast in bed or flowers. Often, it’s not about the thing itself, much more about appreciation from our partners. We hope that the partner will surprise us with special things and show us their appreciation.
Though our partner is not a mind reader. Appreciation can be understood in different ways. It can mean something else for everyone. Some may need the giant Teddy to feel valued, someone else may prefer a verbal love expression or a love letter.
It is important that your Partner knows that you want appreciation and how he can give it to you so that you can recognize it. If you tell him: “I want you, to appreciate me more!” He doesn’t know what you mean by that. He will probably answer: “I really appreciate you.” He probably appreciates you even if you don’t see or feel it. If you now answer: “But I don’t feel it!” It is still not clear to him what to do. So, if you try to explain that you need the flowers, to see that he appreciates you, that will make it a lot easier for him. There is certainly something that he needs to feel your appreciation, too. Maybe he always complained that you never joined him to his sports? Then a joint visit to the sport studio may be a way of showing him appreciation.