Real feelings and pseudo feelings
I feel provoked …
I feel ignored …
Real feelings are not judgments!
I feel sad…
I feel happy…
We recognise “pseudo feelings” from the fact that they assume the other person has done something.
“I feel humiliated …” contains the statement that the other person humiliates us.
“Real feelings” are in us and express what is happening in us.
The advantage of “real feelings” is that they expose our inner world without judgment and that we do not make our partner responsible for our feelings.
If the other person feels judged, it is likely that they are no longer open to your needs and requests.
Needs
We have positive feelings when our needs are met.
We have negative feelings when our needs are not met.
Examples:
Belonging, respect, appreciation, spirituality, relaxation, security, sexuality, security, freedom, self-determination, peace, friendship, creativity, self-fulfillment, harmony …
“Basic needs”
Sleep warmth food drink
A need gives us energy; it is the motivation that is behind our actions. There is often a central need that is particularly important to us.
This central need is also called the core need. People have different core needs.
In everyday life, we often unconsciously use the same strategy to meet our needs. If we are aware of our needs, it is easier for us to use other strategies.
Strategies are negotiable, needs are not.
Example: If you feel the urge to call someone, this can be a strategy to meet the need for exchange or communication.
You cannot turn off the need for exchange or communication, but you could also fulfill it differently. Sometimes we are stuck to a strategy, and then it seems impossible to be happy without this one strategy.
Only when we become aware that there is a need behind our strategy (which can also be met in a different way), will we be able to adopt new strategies with ease.
