Dates can often be filled with boring conversations and uncomfortable silence if there is no chemistry between you.
You can find out how to avoid these issues here.
On Tinder, Lovoo and other dating apps, you will find lots of profiles and that’s exactly the problem.
100s of profiles and nobody speaks to you? Online dating is exhausting! Every time it starts the same: small talk and always the same questions and answers. When the introductory round has ended and the potential candidate meets our criteria, a date may be arranged.Height, socioeconomic status, and appearance often play a big role for women in screening out potential dates. We date men according to a scheme which we are usually not aware of. If we find someone attractive, we almost always conclude that this person is also smart and trustworthy. It is a very natural mechanism for us to value familiar characteristics as attractive. The problem with our categories and schemes is that we restrict ourselves to a few potential candidates. Our dating scheme is the result of good experiences.
If we become aware of our dating scheme and allow ourselves to date outside of our categories, we will gain new experience and our dating scheme can change and expand.
In real life, we are surrounded by people every day: on the street, in the supermarket, in the café and on the bus. But just because we are surrounded by people, we do not stop and speak to everyone. Why not? Because we carry around a list for potential partners and all the criteria from this list should be fulfilled. The shorter the list, the more potential candidates. I’m not saying; Girls throw your desires overboard.My most important discovery is that if we fall in love, our pretended criteria didn’t actually matter.
If a man fulfills all our criteria online, we are often disappointed on a real date. Because all our criteria (job, appearance, height) are irrelevant for the actual chemistry.
The chemistry must be right.
The smell of a person and the sound of a voice are much more important for good chemistry. Without chemistry there will be no butterflies.Therefore, I am more open to real-life dates, because only a real meeting can determine whether a person matches. Dating almost every online match is super exhausting! Hence an important rule:The shorter the date, the less effort, if it doesn’t fit.
The shorter the dates are planned, the sooner you have the change to end a date, if you don’t like it. Be clear from the beginning about the time that you want to invest. For example, you can write:
“Good morning Marco, your message spoke to me. Nice that you also live in Edinburgh. I am very busy at the moment; maybe you would like to have a coffee during my lunch break? “
Short dates but many dates!
What makes a good profile?
Correct spelling and humorous status texts can be a plus. The profile photo is decisive. Because without a good photo, hardly anyone will read your text.
You can collect plus points with:
• A photo that is not a selfie (a photo someone else took of you suggests that you are social and don’t spend every weekend on the couch)
• A photo in which you are dressed smartly suggests that you are professionally successful, and you care about your appearance
• A professional photo (a good photographer knows what is important and lets you shine at your best)
You collect minus points with a:
• Group photo as a profile picture (the focus should be on you, not on your friends or family (pay attention to data protection guidelines)
• Selfie in front of the mirror
• pixelated photo
• Photo on which you can be seen far away
• (For men) a topless photo, which often seems self-in love and women often conclude that you are a macho (Exeption if the photo was taken in a natural environment, e.g. on the beach)
Other photos should be authentic and show you during an activity, such as: during sports or at work. Such photos allow a good impression of you and your lifestyle. In addition, such photos give the other person the chance to discover common ground and formulate a more personal text message. It is better to have few good pictures than many average ones.
How to get in contact:
“Hi, how are you?” “Hey you?”
There is no content in such messages. It is not clear why you are writing to the person at all.In the following you can find out how you can verbally stand out from the crowd: Try to formulate a message that is as personal as possible.A personal message could look like this:
“Hi Jan, I think you look attractive on your profile photo. I think it’s really good that you are looking for a partner who is a non-smoker.”
With such a message, the person immediately realizes that it is not a “copy paste” message and that you have actually bothered to read the profile and think about the message. If the person you are writing to does not have a telling profile picture or no information in the status, then refer to other information such as where he or she lives.
“Hi Jan, nice that you also live in London.”
If you generally do not get any messages back, this is a sign that you must change something in your message, your profile or your photos.